Think about the statement “do you have any regrets in life?” We all mostly have at least one, maybe even a few instances where we feel we could have done something differently or not done something at all.
Usually they are our well publicised mistakes, our fuck ups that we’re really wanting to forget. But sometimes they’re little tiny things (seemingly) that you think would have made a massive impact on you later in life. For instance, I wish I could tell the 13 year old me to not worry about a particular thing. It would have changed the way I perceived myself and saved me a lot of sleepless nights.
The flipside of this is of course that, if, these experiences didn’t happen – or happened differently, would we be the person we are today? The million pound question? Would it matter?
Only you can answer that, (a bullshit answer, but hey, I’m not Judy giving life advice in the sun newspaper). And, it does depend upon what the thing actually is, like; does it require an apology? Is it something you need to make peace with?
For me, I don’t. Or at least, I don’t think I do. Which is basically the same thing. As I said at the beginning. I make no apologies for what I say (or do for that matter) in the blog. Which means that everything I say or do is for a reason, is my thoughts and is not judgemental. Having regrets is useless, all it does is hold us back and can even stop us making future risky decisions.
For example, as a family we moved to Manchester a couple of years ago for my wife to train as a minister. We spent 5 years there, living, serving, preaching, working. It was massive for us in every way. The sacrifice we made, the kids left their friends behind, we left employment, we lived in one of the largest cities in the UK whilst she studied theology and was a placement minister.
Neither of us are city folk. Some people like urban areas and metropolitan environments. We hate them! So to say we were out of our comfort zone would be an understatement. Alot happened in Manchester, but ultimately, things didn’t work out and we moved back to the east midlands and left the church.
I was asked by a close member of the family whether I regretted the move. Citing that we had been depressed, used and abused for the last 5 years, riddled with debt and the family in obvious mental anguish and pain. I responded quickly and cheerfully “no, of course not!” They looked completely surprised by it, even surprised by the lack of resentment I was displaying.
To me, it was simple; WE decided to go, all four of us, we chatted about it and discussed it at length before we left as a family. My wife wanted to pursue her calling and we knew we may regret the “what ifs” or “if only” afterwards. Ok, so it didn’t work out. Do I regret it? Personally? NO! my wife may tell you something different. But me? I’m at peace with it being the right thing to do.
It isn’t one of them “everything happens for a reason” moments. It was the right thing to do at the time. It’s too easy to get bogged down in regret and resentment. Once you free yourself from regret, you see life and its choices differently. You start making decisions that are more centered, weirdly enough to balance whether you will regret (or not) the choice later on!
Balanced thoughts based on no regrets, think about how you would have lived differently and compare it to how you can live in the future. I’m fortunate to have learned these little lessons already, so when I’m inevitably asked “has having mnd changed your life?” The answer is a basic “No!” I live everyday well, I have a good job, I have good friends with a good family.
I regret nothing. It’s doesn’t mean I having nothing to live for, it means I have nothing to worry about whilst I live.
